THE LOSS OF A LOVED ON

We never get use to death, even though we know death is a part of the life cycle, it is not something we get use to.  However, we do learn how to cope with and deal with the pain that comes along with the loss of a loved one.

 

 

 

 

But how do you maintain after the loss of three in four to five months of each other?  By the grace of God.  No doubt we should lean on His word on a daily basis, but it is during these times that we should do as we have seen in many demonstrations when a persons back is facing someone and they fall back trusting that person will catch.  Well that's how we have to do with God - just stretch out our arms and just fall back.

For me, I have lost my friend and ex-boyfriend of over 20 years in November 2011, another friend of more then 13 years in August 2012, and this month, my ex-husband (married 13 years friends for about 16 years).  Even after our divorce, we remained friends. 

So through it all, I have with confidence, stretched out my arms and fell back because I knew God was to be there to catch me.

COMMUNICATION OR LACK THERE OF

When a couple is no longer in love with each other, or can no longer get along with each other, they do everything in their power to try and make life miserable for the other parent, not realizing that they are doing severe damage to the children. I use to handle a lot of child support cases when I worked with the NJ State Legislature, and I enjoyed fixing things that needed to be fixed. Child Support is not just for dads to pay to mothers but it is also for mothers to pay to dads. It is whatever is needed to take care of the children. Some people need to know that when they make the decision of having children with a certain individual, they are in that relationship with that parent until that child is at least 18.

My personal Child Support experiences.

When I first filed for child support for my oldest son, it was done after an ultimatum was give to his dad. I worked and had the means of taking care of my son on my own. The ultimatum was, either spend time with him or help take care of him financially. So he told me to do what I had to do, and I did just that. I went and filed the necessary papers for child support.  As years went by, at one point in time he was laid off, and because of the relationship we had developed I went and had the child support stopped.  Why? Always remember, you can’t get blood from a rock. Learn how to get along, how to communicate, not for your sake, but for the sake of the children.

MY STORY

Where do I begin?  In a nutshell, I have 3 children by 3 different men. We have had our ups and downs, but our relationships never dictated the relationships they were to maintain with their children.  My children are now 21 (son), and my daughters (19 and 13).  When I separated from each father, I let them know that it was their responsibility to maintain a relationship with their child.

NOW, I never did say I got along with my children’s fathers at all times, but my children NEVER knew when I was mad at their fathers.   They didn’t need to know. I always told my children’s fathers that they themselves would prove what type of fathers they were and that would not have to say anything negative to encourage the decisions of my children. 

Now as my children got older, they were able to make their own decisions and choices.

I had one friend that use to always say, how much he wished his children’s mother was like me because I didn’t try to do everything in my power to make the lives of my children’s fathers a living hell.  He also liked the fact that in the 13 years that he and I were friends, he never knew of me to have different men around my children all the time. 

With that being said, I showed my children how to love, and respect the well being of others, and that they were not meant to judge anybody no matter how much they may have disappointed you.  I instilled in my children that God was the only judge of man, and that if He judged us and did not forgive us, only God knows where we would be.

SINGLE PARENTS PT1

I have lived the life of a single parent for many, many years. It is common that many single parents try to use the children to hurt the other (absent) parent. However, do you realize the damage that is caused to the children? You may not think that your arguing, or not letting Little Mary/Johnny see mom or dad because of what you are going through is not harmful to the child, it is.  Your issues are with the parent, you should not be getting in between the relationship of your child and the absent parent. All of that negative energy used to prevent, hinder or slander could be used in helping to make your child a better person in today's society.

You may call it putting my business out there, but I call it trying to help my fellow single parents. (Read My Story)