COMMUNICATION OR LACK THERE OF
When a couple is no longer in love with each other, or can no longer get
along with each other, they do everything in their power to try and make life
miserable for the other parent, not realizing that they are doing severe damage
to the children. I use to handle a lot of child support cases when I worked
with the NJ State Legislature, and I enjoyed fixing things that needed to be
fixed. Child Support is not just for dads to pay to mothers but it is also for
mothers to pay to dads. It is whatever is needed to take care of the children.
Some people need to know that when they make the decision of having children
with a certain individual, they are in that relationship with that parent until
that child is at least 18.
My personal Child Support experiences.
When I first filed for child support for my oldest son, it was done after an
ultimatum was give to his dad. I worked and had the means of taking care of my
son on my own. The ultimatum was, either spend time with him or help take care
of him financially. So he told me to do what I had to do, and I did just that.
I went and filed the necessary papers for child support. As years went by, at one point in time he was
laid off, and because of the relationship we had developed I went and had the
child support stopped. Why? Always remember,
you can’t get blood from a rock. Learn how to get along, how to communicate,
not for your sake, but for the sake of the children.
I'm glad that I have pretty good relationships with my children's dads. There are compromises sometimes but as long as we communicate and agree on the terms of the compromises we can then raise our children without our "mess" being an issue.
ReplyDeleteIm loving it. It's about agreeing to disagree and then coming to an agreement...
ReplyDeleteSometimes that's not an easy task. And to be honest, I had the most difficult time letting my youngest visit with her Dad and his new wife at the beginning. We couldn't agree on the terms or conditions of the visit. I think..... NO, I know, I was still hurting over our breakup so for him to want our daughter on Christmas so he can spend it with his "new" family, was devastating to me. But it took praying, crying, praying some more, asking the Lord to help me get through this and the morning of Christmas Eve I had decided to let her go. It was one of the most heart-wrenching things I did but I know one of the most selfless things I know I HAD to do. Don't get me wrong, I still cried when I was on the phone w/her dad saying it was okay and crying on Christmas Day. But I also felt a peace of mind, because, at the end of the day, I knew it was the right and fair thing to do.
DeleteIt takes time. It took me time to let my son go with his dad, and as he got older we agreed on every-other year and then it got to the point where he decided where he wanted to be on what holidays. It wasn't easy when he decided he wanted to spend certain holidays with his dad, but now he is always with me, at the age of 21.
DeleteEvery now and then DADs have to take MOMs to court too. I am a firm believer that if you pay child support that you have the right to see you child(ren). In the beginning it is going to seem like a tedious drawn out process, but don't let that discourage you.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to those of you who are TRUELY good parents, file for joint custody and visitation. Children need both parents in their lives and should not be used as pawns to hurt the absent parent.
You can find the necessary forms at http://www.njchildsupport.org.
For the sake of your child(ren), HANG IN THERE!!!